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Seeing your life through your own eyes
I love to see the structure in everything …. I enjoy being able to stay at the balcony… the view is excellent… but don’t get me wrong… I love to dance on the dance floor as well. Here is an interesting article by Dr Michael Hall.
I trust you will be able to get some sense of what I had just rambled on…. LOL!
THE BALCONY AND THE DANCE FLOOR by Dr Michael Hall
I came across a great metaphor some time back in the book, Leadership on the Line (2002) by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky:
“Let’s say you are dancing in a big ballroom with a balcony up above. A band plays and people swirl all around you to the music, filling up your view. Most of your attention focuses on your dance partner, and your reserve whatever is left to make sure that you don’t collide with dancers close by. You let yourself get carried away by the music, your partner, and the moment. When someone later asks you about the dance, you exclaim, ‘The band played great, and the place surged with dancers.’
“But if you had gone up to the balcony and looked down on the dance floor, you might have seen a very different picture. You would have noticed all sorts of patterns. For example, you might have observed that when slow music played, only some people danced; when the tempo increased, others stepped onto the floor; and some people never seemed to dance at all. Indeed, the dancers all clustered at one end of the floor, as far away from the band as possible.” (p. 53)
Here are two perspectives—a balcony perspective and a dance floor perspective. One arises from the middle of the action where there is lots of energy and emotion, the other rises from a distance where you see the big picture and the patterns of that energy. Both are important. What I appreciate about Heifetz and Linsky’s use of this metaphor is the point they make. It’s a point that we in Neuro-Semantics are constantly making—we can do both at the same time. In fact, the synergy of both perspectives is, in part, what defines “wisdom.”
“Achieving a balcony perspective means taking yourself out of the dance, in your mind, even if only for a moment. The only way you can g ain both a clearer view of reality and some perspective on the bigger picture is by distancing yourself from the fray. Otherwise you are likely to misperceive the situation and make the wrong diagnosis, leading you to misguided decisions about whether and how to interview.”
The in and out perspectives—one from the balcony and one from the dance floor are just that— two perspectives and we can learn to move in and out of them at will, using each to enrich the other. Stepping in enables you to get lost in that moment, in the energy, in the emotion, in the experience. Stepping out enables you to witness, to observe, to access meanings, perspectives, and patterns. While both are important, each is important for different reasons and purposes. And both involve associating. That’s right. One associates into immediacy, the other associates into observation. In spite of what some NLP trainers and books say, stepping out of immediacy and into observation is not “dissociation.” That’s an entirely different process and dynamic. [The opposite of associating into a particular emotion, state, or perspective is not dissociation, it is associating into another emotion, state, or perspective.]
The meta-skill I’m describing here involves the process of repeatedly stepping in and out that gives you the rich double ability of affecting and influencing what is happening on the dance floor and simultaneously observing the impact of that intervention in real time. And if you make this process iterative, then your intervention and feedback of the results enables you to effectively coach, heal, and lead. And the more skilled you become in this iterative stepping-in-and-out process, the more able you will be to give-and-receive feedback in the moment to shape new skills and expertise.
And doing this is part of what it means to think systemically:
“To see yourself from the outside as merely one among the many dancers, you have to watch the system and the patterns, looking at yourself as part of the overall pattern. You must set aside your special knowledge of your intentions and inner feelings, and notice that part of yourself that others would see if they where looking down from the balcony.” (p. 54)
This describes a practical integration of this higher or meta-level skill. Some call this mindfulness—a higher level awareness of the larger picture while you are in the midst of things. And since it increases the wisdom of getting and maintaining perspective in the midst of action. In the field of athletics, many (perhaps most) top athletes are able to do both at the same time—they can simultaneously play the game and observe it. They can observe their play while playing and adjust their skills and responses to increase their effectiveness. How about that! Isn’t that magical? In the field of coaching, this is one of the unique skills that gives Meta-Coaches a higher level leverage in facilitating transformation.
This is also unique. Few people can do this. Few can see the dynamics of their lives in communicating and relating as they happen. Swept up in the action of the meeting, they simply do not notice patterns. They simply play their part. The observational challenge of the balcony view enables you to see the subtleties that normally would go right by you. Seeing the whole picture requires standing back and watching as you take part of the action. Taking a balcony perspective is tough to do when you’re engaged on the dance floor, being pushed and pulled by the flow of events. It’s tough unless you’ve been trained!
The balcony perspective can also provide you an inner sanctuary for your mind. You can use it to be a place of reflection for renewal, a place where you can listen to yourself away from the dance floor and the blare of the music. Once you have learned the skill of stepping in and out, you can then step out while even in the midst of a challenge to reaffirm your deeper sense of your self, your meanings, and your purpose. Would you like this meta-skill? You can get it via the introductory training to Meta-States— APG, or you can get it via working with a Meta-Coach. Here’s to the wisdom of your synergistic dance floor—balcony perspective!
Authentic Truth
When i first saw this posted on a dear friend’s status… it makes me smile all over.
Justification is the manufacturing of Convenient Truths.
- How many times, do we tell ourselves ’stories’ so that we feel justified about what we do or not do?
- How many times, do we hear ’stories’ about unfulfilled promises?
- How many times, do we tell ‘white lies’ to make others feel better?
- How many times, do we shut our eyes, shut our ears, shut our mouth, and shut our hearts to the truth?
- How many times, do we distort, generalize and even delete our perception because it’s easier and more convenient?
- Are we really ready for authentic and brutal truths?
Perhaps, it’s time for us to be aware of how we cope. Living a life, where we ‘cheat’, ‘lie’, and ‘fabricate stories’ to ourselves is the most disempowering thing you can do to yourself.
Understanding the structure of how we interpret and weave our reality… empowers us to a stress free life.
Then if and when we tell stories or have a need to justify… at least we know it’s convenient truth, and not authentic truth. Being totally accountable of our actions and results empowers us to take charge of our life and destiny.
Yes, there will be the ‘uncontrollable’ external factors at play in our lives. However, when we take accountability of our own attitude, perceptions and emotions, then we will be able to rise above our challenges and triumph.
With NLP technology, you will be able to see, hear, know and understand the structure of how you operate so you are empowered to make changes and have more choices.
So, are you really ready for Authentic Truth?
Do something you never did…
We all want to achieve our dreams in life.
We grow up with dreams weaving in our heads… 
of what we are going to be doing,
of who we are going to share our lives,
of how we are going to make a difference.
But, some of us have never thought…
of the skills we need to have
of who we need to become
of the values we need to embrace
It’s sad that some of us are still trapped in our dreams…
of the things we want to have,
of the experiences we want to enjoy,
of the families we want to build.
And yet… we still do the same things,
and act the same way.
Remember: To get something you never had,
you have to do something you never did.
Because: Doing something over and over again,
expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
One of the guiding principles of NLP advocates that if you don’t get the results you want, then do something different.
Empower yourself, and build the resources you need to make a difference in your life, and the lives of others.
Your past does not define your future.
of the now, of the past.... or of the future?
It is true that the past has an impact on who we are today.
If you look at yourself today, you will either see someone who has overcome obstacles positively, or someone who has maybe let the obstacles overcome them.
In any case, we all have situations and challenges in our life that we might have wanted to play out differently. There are some incidents in my life that I am not proud of, but what matters now is the future for I can’t change my past.
Isn’t it better to let go of the emotion and just take the lessons, so that we can all travel light in life. How much time do we spend reflecting on ‘what could have been?’, ‘how i wish?’ and ‘if only…’ How much time do we spend feeling sorry, re-experiencing the pain and harboring anger and resentment in days long past?
Today, the most vital thing to remember is that:
We all have choices…
to live our life for today…
to be grateful for what we have…
to be proud of who we are…
to be blessed that we have arrived…
while reflecting on our past…
to learn our life’s lessons…
to let go of the pain and guilt…
to treasure the beautiful memories…
and looking forward in the future…
to envision new adventures…
to belief in endless possibilities…
to have hope and faith in our destiny…
Yes, we do have choices…
so, let not the past define you or your future today.
The NLP guiding principle that makes a lot of sense to me:
“It’s never to too late to have a happy childhood”
Never thought it possible till I experience NLP in my life.
He is my brother, he ain’t heavy.
I came across this strange story and I trust you will gain as much insights.
He is my brother, he ain’t heavy.
This is a story of Sadhu Sundar Singh, a Hindu converted to Christianity who became a missionary in India.
One late afternoon Sadhu was traveling on foot through the Himalayas with a friend who was a Buddhist Monk. It was bitter cold, and with night coming on, the monk warned Sadhu that they we in danger of freezing to death if they did not reach the monastery before darkness fell.
Just as they were climbing a narrow path above a steep cliff, they heard a cry for help. Down the cliff lay a man, fallen and badly hurt. The monk looked at Sadhu and said, “Do not stop. God has brought this man to his fate. He must work it out himself. Let us hurry on before we too, perish.”
But Sadhu, the Christian replied: “God has sent me here to help my brother. I cannot abandon him.”
The Monk made off through the blowing snow, while Sadhu struggled down the embankment. The man’s leg was broken and he could not walk. So Sadhu took his blanket, made a sling of it, and tied the man on his back. Then, bending under his burden, he began a body torturing climb. By the time he reached the narrow path again, he was drenched with perspiration. Slowly, he made his way through the deepening snow. It was dark now and it was he could hardly follow the path. But he persevered, and though faint with fatigue, and overheated from exertion, he finally saw overhead the lights of the monastery.
Then, for the first time, Sadhu stumbled and nearly fell. But not from weakness. He stumbled over an object lying in the road. Slowly he bent down on one knew and brushed snow off the object. It was the body of the monk, frozen to death.
Years later a disciple of Sadhu asked him, “What is life’s most difficult task?” Without hesitation Sadhu replied: “to have no burden to carry.”
the 3 bros
We all need to carry a burden, have a goal and make a difference. Do something, Take action. Reinforce the good, criticize the bad, and get involved. Do not sit around and complain. Offer a solution. Do not accept negative attitudes. Turn negatives into something positive. Do no accept bad teachers. Do not accept second class when with a little effort we can have first class.
So, lets look at how we can add value and contribute in life, not just going on our own way… we may just end up dead cold all alone.
Interview with Freda Liu on bfm 89.9 @nlp
I was invited by Shefah Szetu of bfm to share my views on how NLP can help the bridge the knowing and doing gap.
The interview was conducted in a very casual and interactive manner. It covers the many aspects of what NLP is and how it can help anyone who is interested in self mastery.
Initially, the interview started with a computer technician walking in and out. I believe he was trying to fix or maintain Freda’s PC. Hahahaha.. what a pattern interrupt!!! I lost my ‘flow of thoughts’ but soon caught on… after all we are talking about state management..LOLS.
So, check it out at the
http://www.bfm.my/The-Gap-Between-Knowing-and-Doing-Nellie-Amirah-Lim-from-Priority-Sky-Aiming-for-Alpha.html
Appreciate if you could post your positive reviews at the bfm site.
As you all know NLP is so much more than that…
Thank you all.
All I need is within me now
What I am looking for is not out there; it is in me. - Helen Keller -
As I sit down and reflect on the NLP Practitioner Workshop I had conducted a couple of weeks ago, I realize that we are sometimes struggling with ourselves.
The key to true happiness and joy is the acceptance of who we are and knowing that all we need in is within us. Most of us are even more fearful by the fact that we are powerful beings beyond measure.
We are all a child of God, our playing small does not serve the world. And by allowing our inner light to illuminate, we give permission for others to shine too.
– Nelson Mandela.-
Within all of us are the keys to true happiness and freedom. We do not have to pursue happiness and freedom. It is in everyone of us. We are made to manifest the true power within us – our birthright to be happy and free. So, look deep within ourselves, embrace our love and light, and go out and show to the world, our true self.
Seek and you shall find.
For those who seek to find the meaning of life…
be grateful for who you are.For those who seek to find the purpose in life …
listen to your inner voice.For those who seek to find the beauty of living…
look within your heart.For those who seek to find the universal truth …
go deep inside your mind.And for those who seek to find who they truly are …
embrace and accept your unique self.I am blessed to have the privilege and the honor of sharing the journey of many people in their road to discovery. And their journey has inspired and empowered me to learn, to love and to live joyfully.
Thank you all.
Learn to surf, since you can’t control the waves
That’s right… sometimes in our life, we are faced with challenges… most of it consequences of our choices. Once we have made a choice, the choice have us. Once at sea, we cannot control the waves… that is why it is vital for us to be flexible… and learn to surf.
The more we fight against the waves… the more difficult we shall be. It is important that we surf and ride on the waves. Challenges in life makes us even more resilient and strong.
What doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger.
So I am reminded many times, when faced with the storms of life, that I need to respect and enjoy surfing the waves. Eventually all will pass in good times… because after each storm… serenity and peace will prevail.
Everything will be fine in the end, if its not fine, its not the end.
Intentions
One of the Guiding Principles in NLP is
Energy flows where attention goes as directed by intention
Intention is using the power of words or the power of visualization to formulate a desired outcome to occur. By setting an intention we are invoking universal energy to move in a certain direction. Part of this energy is our very own energy within the dominion of ourselves.
However as simple as it seems – we are challenged each day with our daily busy-ness.. and the fuzzy dreams of what we truly want. Some of us are torn between who we want to be and what is needed of us. While some of us may feel we are not good enough to deserve our dreams…Intention is actually something that is always happening, whether we know it or not.
Every thought we think, every word we speak, and every action we do is an intention that is moving us in the direction of a future experience. We are either doing this consciously or unconsciously, but it is happening. If you pay attention you can see how this happens in your own life.
The beautiful thing about this is that we have the power to direct our intentions. We can choose what we think, how we feel, how we behave, and what we say. But we may not have control over the things that happens to us. Yes, we cannot control what happens outside of ourselves, but we are responsible and accountable for our 4 power zones, for how we think, feel, say and behave about what happens. This is where all of our power lies and it is in everyone of us. We already possess this power.
NLP allows you to align your intentions with your actions consciously and unconsciously to achieve your dreams and goals in life. Have we all got down to think about our purpose in life, or of what we want to leave behind as our legacy? Who do we want to be remembered as?
Remember: NLP is a technology for success that uses your conscious and subconscious mind to identify vital factors to eliminate dis-empowering beliefs, meanings, values and decisions while increasing self esteem, clarity and a strong sense of self and purpose.
